The rainbow progressive coalition of the losers that never was

Five days after Labour lost its majority in the House of Commons, Lord Mandelson was still spinning faster than my washing machine when he was interviewed on television last night. The Labour Party had offered a wonderful opportunity to share government with the Liberal Democrats, he was telling us, but instead the Lib Dems had chosen - yes, chosen - to do a deal with the Conservatives, which was what they had really wanted.

Much breath, ink and pixels have been wasted since last Thursday discussing the potential for a 'progressive coalition' to unite the best of Labour and the Liberal Democrats. There were only three problems with this: firstly, Labour weren't up for it; secondly, the maths just made it impossible; and thirdly, it wouldn't have been progressive.

When Liberal Democrat negotiators met the Labour team, it was abundantly clear that even the Labour negotiators were far from keen on the business under discussion. As Allegra Stratton reports for the Guardian:

"Every one of the Lib Dem negotiators gave an individual report back of their meeting with Harriet Harman, Lord Mandelson, Ed Miliband, Ed Balls and Lord Adonis, and they each reached the same conclusion: that the Labour team were uninterested, with no movement on ID cards, the third runway at Heathrow, or increasing the proportion of renewable energy from 15% to 40%.

All reported back that the climate change secretary, Ed Miliband, was the "greatest disappointment" since they had regarded him as a fresh broom, unencumbered by the kind of instinctive dislike of electoral reform that some of his colleagues held. Others were angry that the Brown team had put up Ed Balls. "I mean, Ed Balls in there? For goodness sake. That's not very serious," said one."

And even while the talks between Labour and the Liberal Democrats were taking place, Labour MPs and even the odd minister were queuing up to say they wanted no part of an agreement with the Liberal Democrats. David Blunkett, John Reid, Jack Straw, Diane Abbott, Tom Harris, Andy Burnham, falling over each other to argue against any sort of arrangement with the Lib Dems. In some cases, the case was argued from a basis of blatant self-interest, that it would be easier to take votes from other parties by sitting on the sidelines while attacking other parties for working together. Even perennial Labour cheerleader Polly Toynbee confessed it wasn't looking good.

To be fair, the mathematics of Thursday's result made it a long shot. With 326 MPs the number required for a majority in the House of Commons, Labour's 258 and the Lib Dems' 57 only totalled 315, so other parties would have to be involved. A senior Labour figure was adamant he wanted no truck with the SNP. The new Green MP said she wouldn't take part in any alliance at all. Take away the Labour MPs already mentioned, and there just wasn't enough support - even with full Liberal Democrat support.

Finally, by what stretch of the imagination would such a coalition have been 'progressive' anyway? During its term in office, the Labour government gave us ID cards. Retention of innocent people's DNA on police databases. War on Iraq at the behest of George W Bush. A widening gap between rich and poor. The extention of detention without charge. Detention and appalling treatment of children at immigration centres such as Yarls Wood. Fingerprinting of primary school children, for heaven's sake. As Oliver Cromwell said when he dismissed the Rump Parliament in 1653:

"Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress'd; your country therefore calls upon me to cleanse the Augean Stable, by putting a final period to your iniquitous proceedings, and which by God's help and the strength He has given me, I now come to do.

I command ye, therefore, upon the peril of your lives, to depart immediately out of this place! Take away that shining bauble there, and lock up the doors. You have sat here too long for the good you do. In the name of God, go!"

There would have been nothing progressive about an alliance based on these policies. The jury may be out on whether the new coalition will deliver the goods, but it is a great relief to know that Mandelson and his ilk no longer run the show.